Nyx (kumori_no_mizu) wrote,
Nyx
kumori_no_mizu

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i'm done

I'm posting this on myspace and livejournal but not Facebook because I don't want a certain person looking at this because she's made it painfully clear that what I have to say or think doesn't matter.

There's a reason I hate going home to Brookfield. It's not because of the job. I actually like it. I'm outdoors and near water, where I feel serene. Usually, i hated going home because of my family. I'm not gonna lie. It's a broken family with the illusion that it's a happy normal suburban family. My mom was usually a controlling bitch who couldn't let go and my dad has had more emotions than he knows what to deal with. My brother's almost detached from my family and my sister has no respect for anyone who doesn't agree with her. I'll admit, I wasn't exactly the best daughter either. I was just as detached as my brother and I often did things that interested me and scared my parents (joined a haunted house, started sparring, etc). I'll admit. I did it because I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I felt that if I enjoyed it and I was with friends, I had every right to do it. I will admit that I did go overboard and rub it in their faces.

There is a bit of good news. Like me, my family has matured. Mom has started letting go of us all and still acts as a guide when she feels it's necessary, but she doesn't force us down a certain path anymore. My dad's more in control of his emotions. At times, he can still be a bit neurotic, but it's tolerable, and even funny at times. Alex has also become more talkative and social between us. I guess his first year of college was able to open him up a lot. And I've matured too. I've learned not to be dramatic and that I shouldn't purposefully try to scare people by doing things because they're different. I've actually been able to get my parents to understand why I do what I do when I want to, which is a great thing. However... there is one exception: Gena

My sister still has the same attitude that I remember her having. I will say that I liked her better when we weren't around each other. We got along so much better. But once we start living under the same roof, that's when things go to Hell. See, Gena has this compulsion that everything she has to say is the most important fact/opinion and that she must declare it. She also thinks that it's a good idea to not let anyone else say a word, interrupt when someone else is talking and drown them out until her voice is the only voice to be heard. She also has the gall to laugh at people when they voice opinions that she doesn't agree with... She's had this for as long as I can remember and nothing has changed about that attitude. Another factor of Gena is the fact that for my entire life, she's made me feel like anything I say doesn't matter to her and she can disregard anything I say. She thinks I fake depression when things don't go my way and that I'm pathetic because of it. She's done this to me my entire life. But when I came home, being the person I am, I gave my sister the benefit of the doubt and I wanted to believe she changed...

Boy, was I dumb.

So the scenario played out like this: My dad called to Gena because he wanted to move her car so that my mom could get out to go to work. He was being a little loud because he had no idea where she was. She burst out of the bathroom yelling at my dad saying he had no right to yell. When he asked for the keys politely, she threw them at him. Not tossed. THREW. I honestly don't blame my dad for calling her a bitch. It was a bitch move that she made. After he went to move her car, Gena comes down and she starts laughing at my dad behind his back. At this point, I figured she crossed the line by laughing at someone behind their back, so I tell her, "not the best way to handle the situation." She then goes on saying that she's had to put up with "dad's bullshit" since January when she moved in and she felt she doesn't have to take it. I replied back by saying that her idea of "not taking it" was only adding fuel to the fire and making dad more agitated than he was before she acted out. Then she comes back with the following:

"Well, you haven't had to deal with him for 6 months. You have no idea what he's been like, so your opinion doesn't matter. You have no right to butt into this."

This was the straw that broke the camel's back. I will say that it was a good thing there was a granite top island in between us otherwise there would have been a beatdown (did I mention I just got back from sparring?). Who was she to tell me why my own father was like? Who was she to tell me to butt out of a family issue? If she said dad was acting like this then he would have been doing it to the rest of the family (which he hasn't). When I told her that just because I hadn't been around for the past 6 months, it didn't mean I didn't know how to deal with a situation and what would make it worse. She laughed at me... laughed... like she always does. She laughs when someone makes an opinion that is weak and pathetic in her mind. I felt like shit... utter shit. She acts like anything I say or do doesn't matter period.

So I've had enough. I'm not taking any of her bullshit anymore. I've been taking it from her all of my life and i'm sick of it. If all she's gonna do is insult me, laugh at me and make me feel unimportant, then she deserves none of my time, pity, trouble or sympathy to say the least. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I deserve better than that. I shouldn't have to put up with her. At the same time, if she tries to pull that shit with me again, I can't promise things will end well.

Here's hoping things turn up... and I'm also gonna try to spend as much time away from my home as possible.

~Nyx

"I try to make you see my side. I always trying to stay in line. But you're all I see right through. That's all they do. Im getting buried in this place, I got no room you're in my face. Don't say anything just go away..."
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